Ben is just coming off a series of two drugs that did not sit well with him. For the past six weeks, while we successively tried Banzel and Depakote, Ben has spent most of his time either crying, sleeping or seizing. The drugs obviously made him feel just awful. Our happy baby disappeared for most of those six weeks. I will not bore you with the details of those dark days. This period was probably an important lesson for me. My expectations and hopes have changed. My most ardent desire now is for a happy baby - seizures or not. I used to think that if only we could stop the seizures, everything would be OK. That is definitely not the case. The drugs Ben has to endure can be worse than the seizures. And as you know from reading past entries of this blog, the seizures are not easy to deal with. But, compared with Ben's quality of life on these particular drugs, the seizures are preferable. I never in a million years would have thought that I would feel this way.
Things are thankfully getting back to normal. Ben spent most of today smiling and even laughing, happily playing with his favorite toy, and just generally having a good day. This is what I wish for him now.
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